We have received reports that our very own legal jurisdiction system, the Wizengamot, is not quite as benevolent as one would seem to think. Earlier this week, many people graciously reported to the Quibbler the suspicious actions of one of our own Undersecretaries of the Wizengamot: Ellie Unicorn. Upon the inquiries of a little first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, Ellie gave a very unscrupulous reply.
Ellie: “In the test, you can look up the answers online!”
Naturally, we are all shocked. An individual thought to impose order and peace upon the people giving such undignified and amoral advice? The Wizengamot should be ashamed of their order and the manner in which they uphold themselves. But hold on dear reader, for this is only the tip of the iceberg.
Our executive editor’s private sources have allowed us to finally speak of the secret underground laundry scheme, one that has been making our poor writers do tedious hours of exhausting work. Apparently, this laundry scheme is under the operation of the Chief Warlock herself, Keana Rose. Yes, you heard us right, faithful readers. We, your poor innocent members of the Quibbler, have been forced into manual labour, providing and washing the Wizengamots filthy robes!
This has not gone without consequence, however. There have been many, many accidents involving a suspicious amount of clothes pegs, washing boards and one very temperamental washing machine. One of our ill-fated writers suffered a terrible and heart-wrenching accident under this nefarious plot. Gray—one of our most esteemed writers—had her hand suspiciously dislocated during a very vicious session with the washing board.
As of right now, she is on temporary leave whilst her hand mends, but it looks like it won’t be ready for writing anytime soon. We are doing everything we can to support her and her two very sickly sons, but unfortunately, it is not quite enough. Please, beloved readers, leave a small donation at our offices, if you can, to hopefully help pay for the upkeep of her two beautiful sons.
Last of all, if you too feel like you have been conned or hurt in some way by the so-called “prestigious” order that is the Wizengamot, we implore you to submit any information you have to our offices. We plan to expose this group for what they really are, and hopefully erase this dark era in our past.